Yo momma jokes are a cornerstone of modern comedy and roast culture, offering a wide variety of entrants which have stood the test of time. Since the early 20th century or so, kids on playgrounds across America have been hurling thinly-veiled insults at one another shrouded under the guise of the “Yo Momma” pretext, often focussing on weight, height, age, mental faculties, or general competency. These jokes have become so ubiquitous that they’ve taken on their own genre of sorts, leaving droves of people to exchange yo momma jokes like pieces of social currency on playgrounds and group chats around the world. Many yo momma jokes can be not only cruel, but quite vulgar as well, making them unsuitable for use in front of teachers or amidst the general public.
Luckily, we’ve got you covered, with a comprehensive list of dozens of laugh-out-loud jokes sure to bring you from ribbing recipient to roast-master general. Just remember to utilize these verbal jabs with caution, as many people consider talk about their mother to be grounds for a real fight. With any luck, the following yo momma classics will provide just enough social lubricant to get a hearty laugh out of everyone who hears them, without ever crossing a line into offensive territory. Without any further preamble, here are X of the best yo momma jokes that are completely clean… unlike yo dirty, ugly, elderly momma.
Yo Momma Is So Dumb…
Yo momma is so stupid she tried to alphabetize her M&Ms.
Yo momma’s so stupid when she heard it was chilly outside she grabbed a bowl.
Yo momma is so dumb she asked me to meet up with her at the corner of “Walk” and “Don’t Walk!”
Yo momma is so stupid she stands in front of stop signs waiting for them to say “Go.”
Yo momma’s so dumb she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor.
Yo momma is so dumb she spent 2 hours staring at a carton of orange juice because it said concentrate… and she still couldn’t read it!
Yo momma is so stupid she tripped over wireless internet… Plus, yo momma’s so old, she remembers when this joke was about tripping over a cordless phone!
Yo Momma Is So Old…
Yo momma’s so old her social security number is 001.
Yo momma is so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo momma has an autographed bible. She sat behind Jesus in math class. Her textbooks were chiseled into stone tablets!
Yo momma’s so old, her favorite food is primordial soup!
When yo momma was a child, rainbows were still in black and white.
Yo momma is so old she took her driving test on a dinosaur. When she saw Jurassic Park she said it brought back memories. She wanted to sue The Flintstones for residuals!
Yo momma knew the Burger King when he was still a prince. She used to babysit for half of congress. She goes to archeological digs and calls them family reunions. When she was a kid, the Dead Sea wasn’t even sick yet. She hikes the Appalachian Trail and says “I like what you’ve done with the place.”
When yo momma steps out of a museum, the alarm goes off.
Yo momma’s so old I told her to act her age and she died!
Yo Momma’s So Poor…
Yo momma is so poor she can’t even pay attention!
Yo momma is so poor, when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers.
I saw yo momma kicking a tin can down the street last week. When I asked her what she was doing, she said “moving.”
Yo momma’s so poor, when she sees a garbage truck drive by, she grabs her shopping list and runs after it! She’s so poor she has to take the trash IN, instead of OUT!
Yo momma is so poor the bank repossessed her cardboard box.
The other day I saw yo momma walking by with one shoe on. I stopped and asked her if she lost her shoe, she said “No, I just found one!”
Yo momma is so poor that when I cleared the cobwebs in her house she said “What happened to my drapes?”
Yo momma’s so poor she only gets two TV channels… ON and OFF.
Yo momma is so poor, she made a Gmail account just to eat the spam.
Yo Momma Is So Ugly/Skinny/Lazy & More
Yo momma is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Yo momma is so ugly, when she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks!
Yo momma has the table manners of a WWE wrestler. She has less class than a Marxist utopia. Her teeth are so yellow that her smile makes people slow down at intersections.
Yo momma’s so ugly she walked into a haunted house and they gave her a job application.
Yo momma showed up late to her stay-at-home job. Her house is so nasty she has to wipe her feet to go outside!
Yo momma is skinny enough to dodge raindrops. When she turned to the side she slipped through a crack in the floor. She can probably hula-hoop with a cheerio.
Yo momma’s cooking is so nasty the flies reported her kitchen to the health department.
Yo momma is such a bad cook, it takes her over an hour to make minute rice.
I saw yo momma walking down the street with a live pig in her arms. Confused, I inquired “where did you get the pig?” The pig looked at me and responded “This old thing? I won it at a fair.”
Yo Momma is so fat…
This is probably the most common yo momma joke set-up, so this section will be pretty big. Not as big as your big fat momma, but still, pretty big.
Yo momma’s so fat she used Google Earth to take a selfie.
Yo momma is so fat she wears a whole sock on each toe.
Yo momma has to wear a watch on both wrists… one for each time zone.
Yo momma’s bellybutton has an echo. Her blood type is Nutella. Dracula bit her and immediately got diabetes!
Yo momma is so fat she had to get baptized at Seaworld.
Yo momma’s so fat she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
When yo momma goes camping, the bears need to hide their food!
Yo momma is so fat, she tried to buy a fur coat and nearly caused a mass chinchilla extinction.
Yo momma is so fat when she stepped on a scale it said “to be continued.” Her weight looks like a phone number. One time I saw her crossing the street and I swerved to miss her… I wound up running out of gas.
Yo momma’s so fat that if she wants a waterbed you’ll have to throw a blanket over the ocean.
Yo momma’s so fat you need to take two trains and a bus just to get on her good side.
Yo momma is so fat that when she fell in love, she broke it. One time she went outside in high heels and struck oil. She came walking home in flip-flops.
Yo momma’s so fat that when she fell down, even the sidewalk cracked up.
Yo momma is so fat, of the five fattest people I know, she’s three of them.
Yo momma is like the sun… Massive, round, and impossible to look at.
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